Dear Oli,

I know I know letters aren’t a thing anymore. Open letters even less. But I have to write this down for you, openly so you can’t throw it away in anger, in sadness or in grief. Oh my this is really hard to write it down for you… Never forget your mum was proud of you. Remember the last time you saw her. The day you were walking with her to the elevator in the hospital. The day she saw you the first time walking again! Never forget how happy she smiled at you and waving a goodbye. None of you two were able to talk, just showing happiness. You could see her love and proudness! Keep that in mind. I know you are heartbroken and simply empty. But never forget this picture of mum.

You might not be able to think logical right now. I mean ok you lost her only 2 days ago. Let your tears flow, don’t be ashmed of them. But after a certain time you have to be the strong one again. You have to kick yourself in the ass and show the world whats important. Yes you will keep missing mum, yes you will have your grief moments, you will be randomly sad. But the positive side in yourself will show up again. You will act as she is still here then, you just want to see her proud again. We need you here, we need the positive mostly smiling Oli. You have given a lot of people a smile, just because you were smiling yourself or did a silly joke. But most importantly you made your mum smile in your hardest time, you still made her laugh with silly jokes or just by being yourself. I feel she was very proud of you!

Now just move away this letter, come back to it in some months, read it and nod and smile. You will agree that this logical part of yourself was right. You still might hate me, you still might hate it that I kept telling you to go back to survive. Ok, maybe I was selfish with this… I mean we share the same body. I need you like you need me. Even though we don’t talk a lot, it is ok… Logical and chaos doesn’t match too often. But really I will be happy to see you smile again later this year. Ok now I better finish this. Even the logical part of you starts to cry now. Live in the grief right now, clean our soul and come back like before, just stronger

In love

Your logical part